So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
