went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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