you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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