i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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