I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Randomize
