"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize