margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Randomize
