walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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