Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
she pinky promised me she was 18
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
