I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
