he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
