remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Randomize
