Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
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