Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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