we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
