I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
