this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
