i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
