for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
