my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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