i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
