When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
