dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
