i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Randomize
