she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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