Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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