i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
he fucked my hip out of place.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
