That's when you crack a 10am beer
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Randomize
