dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
