My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
ttyl tear gas
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Randomize
