Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
