I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
