in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize