This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
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