Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
