A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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