I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I have already put on my inside pants.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
