I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
