i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
never play flip cup with pint glasses
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
