Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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