Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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