i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
How many fucks given?
0.12846
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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