yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
