I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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