The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
