If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
