we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
