Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
