Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Your dad touched me again.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
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