I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
