Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Randomize
