I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Four minutes until I can fart!
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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