I wannas sexs uuuuu
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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