I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
