he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
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