I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
