fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Randomize
