She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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