Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
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