Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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