Joe is yelling at the trees again.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
