just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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