I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
