im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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