I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
