my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I AM VODKA MAN
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
