Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
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