1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Just cropdusted the office
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize