He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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