youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
COCAINE IS GR8
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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