Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
