when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
