could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Randomize
