One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
