I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize
