You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Randomize
