onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
