The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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