my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
