Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I came so hard my ears popped.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
