It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
