I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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