It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
