she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
And my parents said I crawled through the house
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
