Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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