Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
