fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Randomize
