I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
