Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
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