Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
