i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Actions speak louder than pants.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
