she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
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