Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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