chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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