I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
