I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
