hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
