i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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