pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Randomize
