i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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