p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
How naked do you want me to be?
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Randomize
