I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
