I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
