You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
