I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
