i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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