I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
