I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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