dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
