i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
