K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
