is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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