God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
