I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize