i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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