Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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