Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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