My brain says no but my pants say off.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
