oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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