Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
