Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize