i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
