you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize